Success

Many people become lawyers to gain power over others. Most fail at this very simple task because they cannot cope with the soul-crushing guilt that comes with oppressing the innocent people who cross their paths.

For the few of us who have overcome this guilt, the pathway to unimaginable riches, glorification, immortality, and unlimited lithe young ass has been revealed.

One well-known method for ridding ourselves of guilt is by getting saved by Jesus. On an autobiographical note, I was saved by Jesus at the tender age of 12 and I've been taking advantage of people guilt-free ever since. I know that no matter how royally I screw someone over, it's okay because Jesus loves me more than them anyway.

The firm often has to reject female (and sometimes male) associates who apply for partnership. For the girls, most of the time it's because of the risk that they'll wind up pregnant, but the rest of the time it's because they won't sleep with us. For the guys, it's usually because they have displayed a conscience. When these poor saps come to me with lumps of tears in their throats I have to tell them that if they had only accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal savior, they might have had a future at the firm. Alas, for some it's too late.

So the moral of the story is, get saved before it's too late. And as a side benefit you can get a free PS3!